Parents and Summertime
My Mom bought a giant box of chocolate covered raisins from Costco in June, and they have been in the fridge since. She was convinced that they tasted funny (they didn’t), so she told me to throw them in the backyard behind the rocks on which she leaves our leftovers for the birds. “I don’t want the birds to eat bad raisins,” she said. I’m pretty sure all our leftovers are eaten by just one fat varmint, but I could be wrong. Our backyard slopes into the ground before it hits the fence, so I had to be in a pit with the wild plants (to me, they are wild) in order to dispose of them. For some reason, my mom did not want to throw it in the garbage. “It will help the fertilizer,” she said. I think it will just attract snakes (though snakes eating raisins just seems weird to me). Anyways, the chocolate covered raisins were all stuck together and I had to take them out in clusters. I spent the next half hour (it was a Costo-size box) throwing clusters of chocolate covered raisins at the fence and watching them burst and scatter behind the rocks in the deep woods of my backyard. It was actually a pretty good time. Now the varmint can make some new snake friends.
A few hours later, my Dad yelled at us during dinner for not knowing how to dance the twist. “What do they even teach you guys in school?” He then made me change his ringtone to “Tequila.” Later, when I said I couldn’t watch Curb Your Enthusiasm with them because I was reading, he said, “Yeah, well, curb your enthusiasm for reading.” Now I know that bad punning habit is genetic.
